Inside The Den

I wake up five minutes before my alarm in a hotel room. I check the time on my phone and I'm relieved, somehow I've slept through the night.

The BBC has kindly put us up in a Holiday Inn and credit to the Beeb - all three of us got our own rooms.

I look over at a Chicken costume laid out on a chair. It's a crumpled mess of yellow.

But in 5 hours time, I'll be wearing it on Dragons Den.

The taxi arrives at 6.45am for a short 20 minute trip to the studio. The sun is up, Manchester looks beautiful, but I'm nervous. A voice in my head says "What the hell have I signed up to?"

We bump into another startup at the huge studio doors, it's Laura from Oatco, they're pitching after me. We chat about nerves, shivering in the cold morning air as we try to help each other feel at ease.

The doors open.

Inside we meet my "handler" who's working on the series, I'd spoken to him on countless phone calls over the last year. He asks me to run through my pitch quickly - I'm instantly nervous and stumble over two lines. Not a good start.

Then, on a table beside me, I see the masks for the first time. Two cardboard faces of Deborah Meaden and Peter Jones.

Dean and Ed will be wearing these in the den.

I notice the eye holes had been primitively enlarged with some scissors. Apparently health & safety were worried the boys wouldn't be able to see where they were going.

The jagged edges look like something out of a horror film.

And the size of these things... they're massive. Absolutely massive.

We are led to a small prison-like room with bright lights and no windows. This is going to be our home for the day. I get to work, giving the pitch another run through. This constant practice seems to be keeping my fear at bay.

My handler calls us outside.

We get a run through with the production team, Laura from Oatco pauses halfway through her speech. It takes off the pressure a bit, but already my heart is racing as it's my turn.

For the first time in 24 hours I succeed in getting through it without slipping up. The team smiles, takes some notes and we're looking… good?

Back at the prison we receive our breakfast - porridge and coffee. I love coffee, but I don't want my heart rate going any higher… And I also don't want to need the loo. So I had more of the porridge.

It's makeup time, I put on the chicken costume to look the part. They fix my hair and cover my face with a few layers of stuff to make me look less pale. They smile, saying I look fine and it's just to help me look less like a ghost on camera.

I remind them I'll probably look more like a chicken. We both laugh.

The next hour is a lot of waiting. Whenever I need the toilet, I have to call out for a runner who then waits outside while I do my nervous wees.

It's a little awkward.

We are called to the studio for the first time to do some rehearsals.

It's an enormous space with hundreds of hanging lights, ropes and cameras. On the ground, it looks like a huge escape room. We are led to a "holding pen" where the five Dragons are framed on the wall.

There we see the lift for the first time. The gateway to the den. It looks iconic.

Then they tell me the lift is fake and doesn't go anywhere. I'm devastated.

Dean, Ed and I enter into a formidable triangle formation, press the button to call the lift, enter inside and then go back and do it all over again. The pitch before me is setting up, so we can't go in the den to practice. I'm gutted I can't see what I'm dealing with.

As we head back, I'm pulled for our pre-interview. A lovely woman asks me questions and has a clever mirror to show her face while I look into the camera lens. I'm nervous. I say I want Steven as my preferred Dragon, we chat about Chicken Rush a bit, I feel the nerves settling.

Back to the prison room, where we relax as much as I'm called again for more makeup. They smear more make-Fred-less-pale products on my face as I stare at myself in the mirror, it's comical how silly I look.

At some stage I pop into the green room after my fifteenth loo break and catch Laura sitting inside, so I go into chat. We talk through both of our journeys, how we got here and I briefly forget I'm still wearing the costume. Her story is incredibly impressive, I am excited for her - but it's clear she's also fighting off major nerves. Entering the den to be grilled about your business and why you dedicated years of your life to building it, with cameras zooming in on your sweaty forehead... It's not easy.

So there I was, a poultry Patch Adams, trying to ease the tension.

I'd managed to get a cheeky peek at a schedule held by a runner and it looked like we had 2 hours to go until our pitch. But then my handler pops his head in and tells us to get ready.

This was our 10 minute warning. Gulp.

We leave the prison and start heading to the studio looking like three children's party entertainers. My heart starts racing again, adrenaline pumping and we reach the huge theatre-like space. Silence hangs in the cold air. We are given bottles of water and I set mine down on the floor - I can't do another awkward wee, not now.

Before we know it, it's game time. We walk into the holding pen with the portraits of the Dragons. We chat about which Dragon looks scarier, the nerves, squeeze in a few chicken puns and have a shaky "cheers" with some glasses of water. I'm terrified but not letting the others know it.

The light goes green, it's go time. We walk to the lift, I press the button and we wait. This is it.

And then, nothing. A call comes out. Something's wrong.

We hear that one of the lights inside isn't turning on. We're stuck.

Meanwhile, through those two metal doors, our mannequin in a chicken costume has just been wheeled out and given the Dragons a taste of what's to come. We hear clucking noise and some jokes cracked. The three of us try to stop giggling.

A handyman arrives with a ladder, a toolbox and starts to do some fixing.

Finally, after what felt like years, we're in the lift. But they have one more surprise in store - four strips of red lights start pulsing in the lift. They weren't on in the rehearsal!? What's going on! They are beaming me up to annihilation. My knees are shaking. The numbers go up from 1 to 4 and then green. The doors open. The room is dark. Five Dragons are revealed. Each lit up by an individual spotlight.

Deborah looks confused.

I close my eyes, run forward - hearing only the sounds of my trainers hitting the floor. I dart left. I'm now running behind the Dragons. Steven looks at me. I look at him. Target acquired. I hide behind a plant.

Reinforcements arrive, Dean and Ed are Peter and Deborah, hunting me down in their massive masks. I'm doing some peekaboo with the plant. Maybe I am at a children's party.

Some saxophone-heavy music blares out, it sounds like the Benny Hill theme tune. It's all totally ridiculous.

Finally they spot me and Deborah (Ed) catches me. I shake his/her hand, he/she celebrates. Game over.

I hand them a trophy, a gold spray-painted wooden egg glued into an egg cup and they celebrate with some strange-scary-mask joy.

The music stops, fun over.

I step to the side, Peter (Dean) swaps with me and I plonk myself in the middle.

It's pitch time.

I kick off, unsure if I actually remember what I'm going to say. I think I miss two sentences. I pause. I stutter in a tiny section but I then, against all odds, bring it home with my chicken wings fully spread out and say "global chicken domination" in a dramatic finale. The Dragons smile.

Then silence.

More silence.

I realise I have to get the two masked guys to leave after the pitch. I quickly say "please leave" to them. It's really awkward, but quite funny. I whisper "sorry and thanks".

Touker starts, asks for my name and we chat. What is this game? Who am I? What's my story?

This is it. We're in the den.

The Q&A all happens so fast. They ask me what Chicken Rush is. We get into the details of the game mechanics. Who plays it? How much does it cost? What are the challenges? I give it the best shot I can, I do… Ok.

Touker asks what do I need - I say we've proven the concept, we need experience for scaling. We need to get out of London. We have traction, 5-star reviews and need to expand.

He says I'm brave and that he's impressed.

He queries how the dating side works, why people want to hunt a Chicken while on a date… and who are they hunting? I say people have found love hunting chickens.

Touker says he can cluck, so I... I ask him to cluck.

He then looks confused. Silence. Did he hear me? Did I overstep?

I say sorry, don't worry about it. But then Steven says he's asking you to cluck. And Touker, through peer pressure, reluctantly agrees. He clucks. The Dragons laugh. I laugh. Even the camera crew gets involved. We're all laughing.

Then they look at me... What? They want me to cluck. Steven says I have to, an eye for an eye, a cluck for a cluck. I say please no. He persists. I cluck. They laugh. I'm rattled. I've clucked on Dragons den. If they include this in the edit, I'll be haunted by this. That weird guy who clucked on TV...

The moment I became a meme.

Touker says he'll leave it to the younger Dragons and that he's out.

One Dragon gone.

I nervously mutter… "4 to go?"

Jenna's up next. She asks about my marketing tactics for dating and team building. Says it should be a city wide free game to make chicken crazed manic viral success. I agree. She's wicked smart.

Deborah's up next. She's smiling!

She says she thinks I'm a brilliant entrepreneur, it's "obvious" apparently! But that investing in a business like this isn't possible, her husband Paul would ask her what the hell is she doing. I agree, I don't know what I'm doing either.

She asks if I even notice I'm wearing this costume, I speak like a seasoned entrepreneur yet look ridiculous. What happens when I look in the mirror? I say it's been so many times now the effect has worn off. I'm just glad it's not as hot in the costume as I feared.

Deborah talks about my solo founder journey, the need for a team and that she can't be the person to be that constant person to bounce ideas off. I say I'm working on that.

She says I need to upgrade the costume, what I've built is let down by a poor bit of fancy dress. I agree. She says it's a huge win to get marketing from our Chickens spreading the word, if they were wearing better branded suits.

And then she's out.

Peter stands up and shakes Dean's hand. Masked Peter and Dragon Peter. A bond is formed.

Peter says he wishes me the best, he's been disinterested and has a scary resting b*tch face. He says he's impressed and that he's also out.

Two Dragons left.

"I say come on Steven"

Steven looks interested. A door is open.

We break down the game. We talk about competitive socialising. We talk about the scalability of the game. We talk about social media. He is in two minds, he knows the how but not the why. He delves into what would have swayed him, he's looking for a piece around tech fostering connection outside. New ways of socialising. A wider tech, loneliness, IRL movement.

I'm shocked as he's laid it all out for me. This was in my first drafted pitch. The one I'd rehearsed with friends. The pitch they said not to do.

I wait a bit and finally butt in.

I explain that my whole mission revolves around what he's talking about, we'd rewritten the pitch last weekend. I say that my pride in this game stems from the community it builds. I push that we build social experiences that bring people together.

He says it's not what I pitched.

I say that's what I'm building.

He says it's hard, so much of it is exactly what he wants it invest in.

He pauses and starts hopping from in to out a few times.

I realise he's out, so I push that I'm going to build more of exactly what he's talking about, Chicken Rush is already bringing people together around the world. I ramble a bit, but get across enough to clearly lay out why I'm here.

He says he's out, we nod and smile. I'm happy.

I've said exactly what I wanted to say. I realise I've just pitched our whole company ethos on TV and he's the one who gave me the opportunity. Thank you Steven.

Jenna is the last one left, she ends up exiting. I can't remember why, but she did it in a nice way. And that's the final Dragon out.

I don't say a proper thank you to the Dragons, which I end up really regretting. I just want to get out of there, so mumble a "cheers" as I turn around. I'm confused as to whether what just happened was a success or not. It all went so quick.

I walk out, press the button, get in the lift and realise I'm still on camera. I do some wing flapping. A chicken right until the end.

Immediately I'm hit by a huge wave of relief.

The production team surrounds me saying I did so well. Did I though? My memory is fading already, but luckily they'd written down some nice things the Dragons said. I chose to trust them.

I want to debrief with Dean and Ed, but I'm pulled for one final outro interview with the same girl I had before.

She asks me what I thought of the den. I said I'm so grateful for the opportunity. I grew up watching this show, it's amazing to be on it. We go through each Dragon and what they had to say, how it impacted me and how I thought it went. I pause and realise I need to get some chicken pun outros. So I do a few to try and have the last laugh.

A runner (my loo-buddy) brings me back to our little room to see the boys and I tell them everything. I quickly summarise how we went through Chicken Rush in-depth, how it works and they had brilliant things to say. It was hilarious, feedback was solid, no ripping apart of our business occured and while we left without the money - I thought we gave a good account of what Chicken Rush is.

I thank our welfare helper, my handler and the producers as they pay me a visit. While I feel a bit like I'm at a chicken hospital and they are paying their respects, they are genuinely so happy for me. It's a tears-in-my-eyes moment.

In the end, the Dean, Ed and I leave and head straight to the pub.

Mission accomplished.